i feel like i don't use social media like other people. i have never (and currently i would not) just go up to someone and reply to their tweet or whatever, i just cannot wrap my mind around how people do that so nonchalantly. i have some exceptions, like when i see one of my gifs in use, but that's pretty much it. the "therefore" of this is that i never feel like i'm correctly evaluating my closeness to people online. it's weird maybe it'll go away soon




i've been phoneless for about 3 and a half hours like i feel like i'm going mental storing my 2fA backup codes is gonna be the first thing i do


been lacking but have another df classic


pride is really cool. we were walking with scooter helmets on the side of the street cuz it was faster than traffic and we came across a bunch of people with flags. there was even a bar with a bunch of furry flags at some point. i feel like people were looking at me but that’s maybe because i had a bat-sized piece of wood (circonstances)




i guess that's what growing without bulding talent means (even if i had that wouldn't change much); at least i still have this to make me feel special (by being an absolute nutcase)


i feel like i'm loosing my "i don't talk to anybody" character trait and that ISN'T a good thing. i was mostly joking with that business plan tweet but now i kinda realized how i've built what i hated; i became one of them without realizing and honestly that really freaks me out


somedays my brain just stops generating thoughts


well, since i don't think whoever's reading this is going to be able to connect the dots by the time they do, i'll give some context; that'll not harm me (probably): i have a debilitating paranoia of people under influence. any drugs, alcohol, weed, cigs etc.. seing people take them makes me very unwell. (feel really bad seeing this drawing for example )it's just how that is i can't do anything about it. so sometimes i just feel bad when i see someone doing drugs. it's a personnal thing of course i'm not blaming anything on people who do drugs


i'm loosing my fucking marbles exactly like i'm suppposed to can't believe i fell for that parasocial thing again


fucked up in the crib guess what i'm thinking about


WaHH thread so far


if you're wondering, based on the masterpost alone my favorite character is SPA because c'mon have you read their description this some fuck shit if i've ever seen some (probably haven't)


my wellbeing if i never looked at the tag masterpost:


i mentionned cookie☆ plenty of times but man the amount of time a day i spend just thinking about it, honestly demented for something i have no interest in whatsoever


pro tip turn your heels inward when in front of a fullbody mirror


vision blurring as i listen to the mohamed smith live show 2020 again this is the teenage cloud they mentionned


another dirtfolder vid that wasnt funny enough (i also can't believe there's some selecting going on)


listening to sauceintherough (use that card to instantly defeat me in an argument) takes me back to this time last year when i was really struggling with my sexuality, fun times..


truth be told i've been stalling to ask my mom to order the lucky star dvd for multiple weeks because it's gonna be such an ankward time


whatever happened to lucky star gifs on here need to bring that back


thinking about it this makes no sense: i'm the funny guy. my whole shtick is sometimes (rarely) making a witty observation: complaining so much (basically to the poing of lying you remember how i don't have actual problems that's like the one constant truth of this page) doesn't fit my branding at all, and i am my branding therefore this page isn't actually me at all (complaints OBLITERATED with simple reasoning)


still learning to shut the fuck up


all of my schemes are turning against me in ways i never expected


keep saying this year went by so fast but some recent memories already seem so distant, like listening to tboal feels nostalgic


was thinkin bout the yuu thread again this morning: maybe i feel so bad because we live in a capitalist world


summary of recent events (thank you for your support)


you ever feel extremely out of place somewhere




guys i'm only good at conversation when it come to running gags and following the flow im not actually a great person to talk with


confession: i cannot physically read or watch gay gal stories. everytime other line i get some kind of fluster and i have to pause for a moment to hit the woah, do a whip and nae nae, punch the air or rent about how "love wins" to regain my composure. yes i am currently reading gensocolors zine PachuKoa fanfic how did you guess


feel like all pomfs suck in some way


seriously, i've been thinking about maid dresses all day. i really want to wear a nice one (real quality not a lame one that doesn't count), just once at least (owning one would be a miracle). it's not even a gender thing in any way, there's just something about the idea of strolling around (..inside) with one that makes me happy about life


mastering the art of keeping myself busy


kmb on journal that's rare take notes


bon à un moment, faut pas y aller par 4 chemins: y'a des choses dans la vie c'est beau quoi; j'suis désolé, mais quand ululu dans kemono friends elle dit "ululu", moi j'ai envie de chialer quoi, y'a pas à se mentir


LOVING the acer black screen bug guys such a charming gimmick


this is why you don't want to have the same name as a popular anime character too relatable for my own good.....


i don't go buying things often but when i went to the mall last week i got these really shiny coins from 2009 i'm a big fan


living for jersey club right now 1000100010010010 d-d-d YEAH HOE *siren sounds* err-eh-err-eh watch me pop it like a pro whaaat


one of the songs that means the most to me right now as the fucking word sus in it i hate my associations of unrelated things i HATE IT


i wonder how many people also sustain hapiness with the m-o/mb logic; it works but it's pretty unhealthy


honestly i live by some frax lyrics: if all my cringe-ass tweets are still available it's because of pharmacy


dont start speaking in fraxiom quotes dont start speaking in fraxiom quotes dont start speaking in fraxiom qu


DEFINITELY shouldn't be advertising this page as much as i am, this could ruin my entire existence at any moment if anybody reads it but what can i say i love living on the edge


taking advantage of a moment of clarity to remind whoever's reading these that i'm always ok and if i ever express anything worrying i'm just bullshitting. if you think i'm a pos though that stays i agree that i'm fucked in that sense


this video isn't funny enough to post anywhere but here enjoy


being in a couple is such a weird concept to me. idk it just alienates me, i associate the idea with unhappy suburban young adults and the mean people at school. i dont want to be with somebody romantically, i don’t want like physical contact, something about that doesn’t sit right with me. this is recent pretty sure i didn’t have any of this last week (prolly going to pass me by the next)


i can save sonya pics on my phone all i want i'm still going to end up alone, somehow feel lighter realizing this


thinking about the fact i can’t write (my handwriting is so terrible it’s funny) or speak (members of my family can’t understand me most of the time; i like to say i have a speech impediment but really im just not doing any efforts); i failed the basics needless to say i’ve been manufactured peculiarly


---- like fiiive yeeears agooooooooo;
if you died on soociaal meeediaaa wooould anyooone knooooow; cmon. dont tell me that isn't fun


teen week (the album) really grew on me. i kinda hated it at i first but now i really enjoy singing it out loud because the vocals are sung in a way that makes it fun to go along, but somehow that doesn't take away the impact of the lyrical content: cool


seems like uncontrollable fear of growing up is another thing i'm gonna kirby from twitter. this was always the plan but i don't really have a problem with turning up a little sooner


litteraly who needs friends when i can listen to aidan swank - FG@GL 4 at any time of the day


only realized just now that the kofji i randomly followed on twitter a while back is THE kofji from the tag masterpost easter☆ i cannot escape it


today's lesson is to never underestimate how much of a W a day can turn out to be


hate going outside but the countryside has some great picture opportunities


everything you do it's been done done done before


how many "like"s can i fit in a sentence


sometimes it's like all the things that don't function correctly in my mind that normally have no correlation get together and beat me at monopoly or something it's not like it's hurting me but im like "damn this sucks"


another day without Cute Dress for Teens Girl Two Piece Set Bunny Prints Casual Cotton Dresses for Spring Autumn


never actually read all of these back to back wonder what it's like to go through oldest hit the pavay tkmiz and then it all goes down


dont treat this as if it was the same person then on twitter
you know how you act totally different based on who you are talking to well i kinda did that so much that i dont really know who's me so just do as if it was different people everytime (im not a system)


wanted to make an entry saying something like "im a human being too" but on this page it would kinda be lying. i feel like these messages belong more to the snowy background and raster fonts than to the person typing them


today's lesson is that life goes on


biggest fear is going to a psychoanalyst only for them to tell me there isn't shit to analyze and i'm just a piece of shit


went to the mall alone for the first time today & this was the score for that moment


some moments are just 19:09 and inner montage of paper burning and trains passing


if i die normally just bury me regular but otherwise you gotta do me like that guy in the dude




SSiB has been fun


may have found the way to edit code on my iphone 6 this is great development


needa new m-o to tell me I'm Actually Fine


try not to listen to the same 7 fg songs over and over again (impossible)


when i listened to the latest hobo johnson song (im a fucking embarrassment) i was confused at the fact he really liked "french sodas" but then i remember that liptonic is distributed in france only so yeah y'all united-staters kinda got owned


thinking bout how pop tarts haven't been restocked here in YEARS ngl america kinda seems like a shithole country but at least it doesn't suffer from the lack of toastable breakfast items


flandre would sing along to bleachblonde @B2G 2019_2 very cheerfully (a lot would do that)


i think sumireko would listen to focus group. when subjected to it, marisa would enjoy it and reimu would be weirded out


going crazy to the f02usS playlist when my thing comes back; really love fg sooo much


grats guys, we've done it, we failed collectively as a species; pack ya bags everybody we all need to go


you know what we're back online because as will crooks said (I just fuck it up and that's it) I don't give a fuck! cmon we're bringing it back get the konata gifs back in here we're online oomfies :bangbang:


if only


you'll be glad to know that the ripping and uploading of the kmb manga will be a performance at my rietveld academie grad show "unemployment as an art form"


like if i had a credit card i guess i could just purchase further volumes on amazon.. cmon cant one of y'all just say fuck the abj and post everything in 240p for free


feel like i'm the most clueless when it comes to finding post-115 kmb chapters does everybody except have some kind of killmebaby.com i'm not aware of is that what's happening


yeah i've thought about it this is really dangerous, im at least going to take the link out to prevent further damage (bye oomfies)


soooo glad nobody reads these i would be in big trouble


remember this? well, if you recognized what this is about, you probably also know why i shouldn’t publish it even when it’s "complete", i should at least transform them in a way that includes that further intent (i'm being voluntary vague because it’s still about my mental thing)


man i haven't done an entry in forever i really need to get some neurons activating


looking back at it, this video isn't has cringe as i thought it was when i made it (thats what im thinking right now but it's probably actually very cringe and i was right the first time)


told my buddies at school i needa learn to shut the fuck up when i was on my 15th among us joke during the class but i think it applies to every setting


summer also means having those moments where a huge bug comes into your room through the window so you just leave immediately and hope it’s not gonna be there anymore when you come back every now and often


let's be real: i do not have shit foing on in the music or drawing department, and normally that's alright if you keep trying your best but i am clearly not; i know that if i really put my mind into it and tried hard i could learn one or two things but it's so much easier to give up when you do not immediately get it and proceed to complain about it like right now


sometimes i feel this one hit worse than the others


realizing this is a really bad idead


yeah most of that threads bullshit don't trust anything i say here im not myself when im 0117532085743


you know what fuck it puttin the link back in my bio just to see what happens hi oomfies :bangbang:


wake up honey, why i "hate" seeing yuu glt thread just dropped




holy shit. its gettin at me physically; i feel kinda nauseous. this cant be good.


this web page actually looks quite nice imo, love me some bitmap fonts


anyways thing im making for a new page is advancing ("it aint good but that's the point" type beat)


today was mother's day and i got my mom nothing


pasting all of these into the source code wondering what tf am i doing i aint got these problems some people have actual stuff me no im just whining bout nothing (it's like the bladee lyric kinda)


im gon be fine


i don even know if it’s a real catalogued thing or not, but i can’t like go explainbot publicly because it’s something that involves other people (i mean not directly it’s just me and my brain) i've realized it’s been more than a year since it’s started and that’s kinda nuts tbqfh


really need to talk about my disorder with a psychiatrist or somethin cuz its been really REALLY going at for the last 3 weeks


take this unfortunate screenshot from last night


i have the vague feeling that i come up with plenty of entries at 4am, but since i have to be on the computer i never actually type them out and forget everything


sad because with covid i’ll definitely graduate before going to america, so i’ll never get to see the american high school experience


i keep creating more and more outlets to speak publicly about my problems but every time i do (especially when it's like the big paragraphs here) i veer closer and closer to becoming that one guy on twitter with a shij's sis pfp that tweets about depression and not having a girlfriend and whatnot, and that's just not what i'm aiming for my brand [trying to stay funny is the ultimate barrier against very public meltdowns]


ahh.. the american schooling system, one of the great mysteries of this era.
i would enjoy so much to like, do a show, or at least film some kind of tour of the U.S, meeting the people and the minds; it would mainly revolve around internet/anime culture still, but like, with real people and infrastructures, suburban cities especially, i still have this tweet in mind


fuck i miss when i though this video was a self-contained story i miss that so bad i really try to let it slide and to just be desinterested but it's eating me


i dont care if anyone sees these anymore im saying it everyday i open the cookie☆ tag masterpost and each time i feel like absolute dogshit immediately something not even about the character or the concept or naythin, just something abt that specific webpage triggers something in my brain that gets me like not depressed because it isn't sad but definitely mentally something bad, i guess downbad would be a good word but like that to the ² it really fucks me up but i still go through it everyday


is this thing on?


i epic failed!!! epic


i have a big test coming up so i had to tone down the twitter addiction (i'm still gonna fail the test)


30 days passed i still couldn't turn the swag on


some eggs on the tl (hi if you're reading this) really transcend all of mankind's limits my salmonella sandwich i made in august really pales in comparison


if i don't get a twitter like in the next 3 days im gonna go haywire. i NEED whatever chemical my brain produces when y'all do that; validate me give me attention ooh ooh ah ah im going feral monkey mode TELL ME IM ENTERTAINING!


i really like touhou character design but i really don’t like video games, mangadex please come back i need to read SSiB


sad that i have 4 twitter accounts and keep typing messages here maybe i just want to talk to people but i dont want to y'knowww; 😬😬😬 recently (many of my aquaintances have noticed this) i became numb to everything i feel like no event no words no nothing is going to shake me {} i consume so much media "because it's enjoyable" but i think my goal is always subconsciously social () i can't think of the last time i watched or read something without thinking about twitter somehow, but this is not limited to media i think, i think i haven't done anything without having twitter interaction at the back of my mind somehow.. i fell in it like many others, trying to gain skill in anything just to make myslef interesting enough to get attention. if i draw it's for twitter, music it's for twitter talking eating watching studying every activity is for Twitter i guess the reason i went numb to everything is that i like, exited myself to become my twitter, i am dirtfolder now. i spend hours a day just looking at my profile, looking at my followings the people that follow me, why did they do that? how am i interesting? what do i have to develop to be more intersting? do the people want this? i try to catter to an audience now, im planning im categorizing, who would like that? is this what *** is intersted in? looking at touhou wiki rewatching cookie's fortune for the 4th time today in the end maybe im not doing it for fun, im just crunching the numbers to get more related to people. ok so since nobody is gonna read this anyways (especially those who are concerned, except one or two maybe), here is the little chart i made to explain the media and stuff [chart removed for numerous reasons] it actually took a long time so i dont remember what i was talking about... it probably wasnt important but cringe so im not gna re read the paragraphe ctrl s fetch'n'pull nvr gonna think abt this again


man i ain't getting into the rietveld like this. my resume is blank i have no skill no events no community no nothing, basically, im gonna fail all my entrance exams after high school, bodge for a couple of years, and die


i will let you in on a secret i really want to make a kmb + recovery girl "lets go bitch" no bgm ytpmv but one that's impossible two even if i chose another bgm (april city is another one i wanted to do) i don't have the patience or the talent for the audio wont even mention the visuals this shit aint happening


today is a rewatching ytpmvs kinda day


shijima has been weighing on my mind these past couple hours. look at this carpet i found on the street


my relation with touhou is looking at a character in a video or drawing and going "oh i know who that is" but actually i don’t and i spend half an hour trying to learn who is who on touhou wiki


this is all higurashi for me and seeing higurashi ppl kinda makes me want it to stay that way, i'll do something about it if i enter the rietveld academie though.


i can handle more one night until the "(グルグル)" hit then i cr


actually, now that i think about they are some people that are just.. people, that don’t need the contrast to feel human (human as in the quality, not that everybody else feels like an alien) i can think of a really good example (talking about twitter obvi i don’t have anything else) but i don’t wanna namedrop people i don’t know even if it’s to say they’re nice and i care for them very much


i think that whole tangent was based on me assuming what the text in the tweet picture read based on how it was presented rather then actually reading it (i can’t read japanese) that was a weird moment sorry you know brain stuff




and like, tkmiz.. man.. it's unbelievable.. artist, especially good ones, have always been strange to think about, but them especially.. how profoundly sad someone must be to make something so soothing as glt & shim.sim. they almost don't feel real anymore, but their background, this contrast is so apparent so breaking, how poetic can [h-word] be? i wonder. maybe this immorality is what makes everybody human? it's amazing how this faceless nameless genderless identity led to one of the most human person ever. it's a talk about love, maybe. i dont think the oneshot changed my vision on shijima particulary (i don't think they meant it to be canon), but it says a lot about the author i think. im too young to talk about this [minor], especially in public. if i had to make a thesis on someone, i think it would be them (plus the rietveld likes gross stuff don't they), or me, idk. it's so weird to think about, how they're living (i could say this about a lot of people), and like still this contrast, i was trying to articulate how the most profound people are speaking from the hole (not a reference to the manga), they've seen it all in some sense, and i guess for tkmiz, they did it all too. maybe it's a more primal talk then love, maybe it's just loneliness, the "self" being stuck in that weird line, not feeling real (itself and from the outside too), so nobody can reach. this is such a weird thing to talk about, because you wouldn't talk about it with anybody, i can't even make the thoughts real for myself, but if i could i wouldn't share them because just saying "oh tkmiz got me thinking about how poetic [h-word] actually is", c'mon, nobody wants to here that. i guess a philosopher or an author's job is to make people wanna hear that, but im not any of them, but also they wouldn't speak about it themselves because as i said (maybe this is only tkmiz, i just don't know of any ppl able to make something quite as "profound" ( i hate that word) as them) they're speaking from the hole, so it isn't as "profound" any more, it's just sadly (maybe even pitifully, or creepily) complentative. i don't know what those 2014 tweets say but if i could read them i bet i would just sigh or maybe cringe a little. this is repeating myself but that's the contrast im talking about a person can be so human, their thoughts so senseful, but if it's turning around the whole H thing it becomes dillusional, idk if that's like a "convention of society" has we say in school or like something in human nature, i think it's the second because that contrast is greater than most of the things the "conventions" make feel when their unruled. im not saying the 2014 tweets were bad and they should never have made them, otherwise the whole "speaking from the hole" thing wouldn't be happening blah blaah blah you get it. tkmiz just seems like this entity this concept defined by their contrast between their work and their emotions, the modern art and the [h-word], that makes them some sort of the perfect representation of today's artist, maybe today's person, or even a point that could be given has humanity's hypothetical representation, but maybe tkmiz is just someone, in the end.


i surprise myself by how actually angry i get seeing things from glt volume 6


i really like it (my new phone background). sometimes just seeing characters you love makes you happy. i know by putting it as my phone background it’s going to make the happiness of seing them fade a way and i'll have to find new cute characters to inject in my bloodstream but for now im just happy now


yesterday had been over before i'd ever known of it


today got me thinking about how nothing feels real i've been too into anime stuff probably


that bruh moment when you cry watching 【Touhou IOSYS PV】Miracle∞Hinacle "FULL"【東方Mesopota】 English & Romaji subs


dear diary today i watched like 5 touhou animations (mostly iosys) and i've enjoyed them so far guess it's all downhill from here


suika? sanae? china? eirin? keine? ran? kanako? yuugi? letty? yuuka?


ok so cirno is the ice fairy, marisa is the witch, reimu is the the shrine maiden, flan is SD(remilia)'s sister, rumia is the one that has a dark bubble and she bumps into things, wakasagihime is the fish, the one with the green hair and the yellow bow is dayousei, i know there is a bunny and a mouse but i don't know their names


it's all good, it's all fine


forgot to put an entry i had good ideas too what a bummer


good morning! i actually woke up like an hour ago but i prefered to laze around instead of starting my computer


i have to come clean. my favorite lucky star character isn't konata it's misao. i love her especially with her english dub


i erased this page before publishing it but fuck it it's coming back in i need filler


i've been trying to not talk much abt exams & school stuff here but that’s all i think about these days


think it's fun and good for yourself to embrace who you are, regardless of how it’s seen. last year i would’ve never had an anime pfp, and look at me now! life is fun.


veni vidi vici


lets go bitch


got so stressed that i took some of my old plushies out of my drawer, even catboy luigi


i got real sad and angry at myself yesterday. the test i am really stressed about is tomorrow at 10:40pm, we'll see how it goes i guess


got so stressed today, just have to get through this week it'll be better by next tuesday.


i wish i had more online friends... but at the same time i get stressed when i just barely interact w/ ppl... guess it is how it is...


i was going to make a regular entry but me looking at my watch at this exact time has foiled my plans


i feel like im actually spending 127 hrs in bed every week... that's pretty scary


so many tests coming up... gotta study hard!


food is nice, i really like food. have yourself a little snack! you deserve it.


wasn't devastated


things happen sometimes... it’s crazy, really, i feel like the consequences are bigger than me yet on a very small personal scale


letting go


cute guinea cute bunny there's a whole world out therz


something's outside!


how much does it cost to buy 57 acres of land in the middle of nowhere and maybe put 2 or 3 apple trees on it. oh and a cell tower. those look nice.


learnt quite a bit today, also went to the store


konata is kind of my 132_bubble loop if i think about it


realizing i'll never be moe


wonder what i am going to learn 2day


somebody loves me


zoned out


listening to some music


thinking about listening to music


put the cat ears on


staring at the wall again


trying to get somewhere


failed my test... listened 2 mc boing to console myself...


dance the night away