31/03/21/14:43:32

i epic failed!!! epic

31/03/21/09:39:14

i have a big test coming up so i had to tone down the twitter addiction (i'm still gonna fail the test)

30/03/21/01:44:52

30 days passed i still couldn't turn the swag on

30/03/21/00:39:48

some eggs on the tl (hi if you're reading this) really transcend all of mankind's limits my salmonella sandwich i made in august really pales in comparison

29/03/21/18:12:26

if i don't get a twitter like in the next 3 days im gonna go haywire. i NEED whatever chemical my brain produces when y'all do that; validate me give me attention ooh ooh ah ah im going feral monkey mode TELL ME IM ENTERTAINING!

29/03/21/00:55:17

i really like touhou character design but i really don’t like video games, mangadex please come back i need to read SSiB

28/03/21/18:10:46

sad that i have 4 twitter accounts and keep typing messages here maybe i just want to talk to people but i dont want to y'knowww; 😬😬😬 recently (many of my aquaintances have noticed this) i became numb to everything i feel like no event no words no nothing is going to shake me {} i consume so much media "because it's enjoyable" but i think my goal is always subconsciously social () i can't think of the last time i watched or read something without thinking about twitter somehow, but this is not limited to media i think, i think i haven't done anything without having twitter interaction at the back of my mind somehow.. i fell in it like many others, trying to gain skill in anything just to make myslef interesting enough to get attention. if i draw it's for twitter, music it's for twitter talking eating watching studying every activity is for Twitter i guess the reason i went numb to everything is that i like, exited myself to become my twitter, i am dirtfolder now. i spend hours a day just looking at my profile, looking at my followings the people that follow me, why did they do that? how am i interesting? what do i have to develop to be more intersting? do the people want this? i try to catter to an audience now, im planning im categorizing, who would like that? is this what *** is intersted in? looking at touhou wiki rewatching cookie's fortune for the 4th time today in the end maybe im not doing it for fun, im just crunching the numbers to get more related to people. ok so since nobody is gonna read this anyways (especially those who are concerned, except one or two maybe), here is the little chart i made to explain the media and stuff [chart removed for numerous reasons] it actually took a long time so i dont remember what i was talking about... it probably wasnt important but cringe so im not gna re read the paragraphe ctrl s fetch'n'pull nvr gonna think abt this again

28/03/21/17:25:33

man i ain't getting into the rietveld like this. my resume is blank i have no skill no events no community no nothing, basically, im gonna fail all my entrance exams after high school, bodge for a couple of years, and die

28/03/21/17:07:10

i will let you in on a secret i really want to make a kmb + recovery girl "lets go bitch" no bgm ytpmv but one that's impossible two even if i chose another bgm (april city is another one i wanted to do) i don't have the patience or the talent for the audio wont even mention the visuals this shit aint happening

28/03/21/17:01:40

today is a rewatching ytpmvs kinda day

27/03/21/16:24:13

shijima has been weighing on my mind these past couple hours. look at this carpet i found on the street

27/03/21/03:30:58

my relation with touhou is looking at a character in a video or drawing and going "oh i know who that is" but actually i don’t and i spend half an hour trying to learn who is who on touhou wiki

26/03/21/00:06:09

this is all higurashi for me and seeing higurashi ppl kinda makes me want it to stay that way, i'll do something about it if i enter the rietveld academie though.

26/03/21/13:11:27

i can handle more one night until the "(グルグル)" hit then i cr

26/03/21/02:19:26

actually, now that i think about they are some people that are just.. people, that don’t need the contrast to feel human (human as in the quality, not that everybody else feels like an alien) i can think of a really good example (talking about twitter obvi i don’t have anything else) but i don’t wanna namedrop people i don’t know even if it’s to say they’re nice and i care for them very much

26/03/21/01:44:32

i think that whole tangent was based on me assuming what the text in the tweet picture read based on how it was presented rather then actually reading it (i can’t read japanese) that was a weird moment sorry you know brain stuff

25/03/21/23:54:04

I'VE BEEN WRITING FOR 40 MINUTES?????

25/03/21/23:53:00

and like, tkmiz.. man.. it's unbelievable.. artist, especially good ones, have always been strange to think about, but them especially.. how profoundly sad someone must be to make something so soothing as glt & shim.sim. they almost don't feel real anymore, but their background, this contrast is so apparent so breaking, how poetic can [h-word] be? i wonder. maybe this immorality is what makes everybody human? it's amazing how this faceless nameless genderless identity led to one of the most human person ever. it's a talk about love, maybe. i dont think the oneshot changed my vision on shijima particulary (i don't think they meant it to be canon), but it says a lot about the author i think. im too young to talk about this [minor], especially in public. if i had to make a thesis on someone, i think it would be them (plus the rietveld likes gross stuff don't they), or me, idk. it's so weird to think about, how they're living (i could say this about a lot of people), and like still this contrast, i was trying to articulate how the most profound people are speaking from the hole (not a reference to the manga), they've seen it all in some sense, and i guess for tkmiz, they did it all too. maybe it's a more primal talk then love, maybe it's just loneliness, the "self" being stuck in that weird line, not feeling real (itself and from the outside too), so nobody can reach. this is such a weird thing to talk about, because you wouldn't talk about it with anybody, i can't even make the thoughts real for myself, but if i could i wouldn't share them because just saying "oh tkmiz got me thinking about how poetic [h-word] actually is", c'mon, nobody wants to here that. i guess a philosopher or an author's job is to make people wanna hear that, but im not any of them, but also they wouldn't speak about it themselves because as i said (maybe this is only tkmiz, i just don't know of any ppl able to make something quite as "profound" ( i hate that word) as them) they're speaking from the hole, so it isn't as "profound" any more, it's just sadly (maybe even pitifully, or creepily) complentative. i don't know what those 2014 tweets say but if i could read them i bet i would just sigh or maybe cringe a little. this is repeating myself but that's the contrast im talking about a person can be so human, their thoughts so senseful, but if it's turning around the whole H thing it becomes dillusional, idk if that's like a "convention of society" has we say in school or like something in human nature, i think it's the second because that contrast is greater than most of the things the "conventions" make feel when their unruled. im not saying the 2014 tweets were bad and they should never have made them, otherwise the whole "speaking from the hole" thing wouldn't be happening blah blaah blah you get it. tkmiz just seems like this entity this concept defined by their contrast between their work and their emotions, the modern art and the [h-word], that makes them some sort of the perfect representation of today's artist, maybe today's person, or even a point that could be given has humanity's hypothetical representation, but maybe tkmiz is just someone, in the end.

25/03/21/23:12:06

i surprise myself by how actually angry i get seeing things from glt volume 6

24/03/21/19:37:11

i really like it (my new phone background). sometimes just seeing characters you love makes you happy. i know by putting it as my phone background it’s going to make the happiness of seing them fade a way and i'll have to find new cute characters to inject in my bloodstream but for now im just happy now

24/03/21/12:02:44

yesterday had been over before i'd ever known of it

23/03/21/19:32:11

today got me thinking about how nothing feels real i've been too into anime stuff probably

23/03/21/00:13:49

that bruh moment when you cry watching 【Touhou IOSYS PV】Miracle∞Hinacle "FULL"【東方Mesopota】 English & Romaji subs

23/03/21/00:01:35

dear diary today i watched like 5 touhou animations (mostly iosys) and i've enjoyed them so far guess it's all downhill from here

22/03/21/22:38:46

suika? sanae? china? eirin? keine? ran? kanako? yuugi? letty? yuuka?

22/03/21/20:55:56

ok so cirno is the ice fairy, marisa is the witch, reimu is the the shrine maiden, flan is SD(remilia)'s sister, rumia is the one that has a dark bubble and she bumps into things, wakasagihime is the fish, the one with the green hair and the yellow bow is dayousei, i know there is a bunny and a mouse but i don't know their names

22/03/21/15:25:04

it's all good, it's all fine

22/03/21/01:58:14

forgot to put an entry i had good ideas too what a bummer

21/03/21/11:35:37

good morning! i actually woke up like an hour ago but i prefered to laze around instead of starting my computer

21/03/21/00:15:47

i have to come clean. my favorite lucky star character isn't konata it's misao. i love her especially with her english dub

20/03/21/22:22:19

i erased this page before publishing it but fuck it it's coming back in i need filler

23/01/21/11:43:32

i've been trying to not talk much abt exams & school stuff here but that’s all i think about these days

22/01/21/15:17:11

think it's fun and good for yourself to embrace who you are, regardless of how it’s seen. last year i would’ve never had an anime pfp, and look at me now! life is fun.

21/01/21/11:41:56

veni vidi vici

21/01/21/10:39:28

lets go bitch

20/01/21/23:09:31

got so stressed that i took some of my old plushies out of my drawer, even catboy luigi

20/01/21/13:03:23

i got real sad and angry at myself yesterday. the test i am really stressed about is tomorrow at 10:40pm, we'll see how it goes i guess

19/01/21/21:33:45

got so stressed today, just have to get through this week it'll be better by next tuesday.

19/01/21/00:20:50

i wish i had more online friends... but at the same time i get stressed when i just barely interact w/ ppl... guess it is how it is...

18/01/21/23:59:59

i was going to make a regular entry but me looking at my watch at this exact time has foiled my plans

18/01/21/18:09:52

i feel like im actually spending 127 hrs in bed every week... that's pretty scary

18/01/21/13:06:31

so many tests coming up... gotta study hard!

17/01/21/19:04:00

food is nice, i really like food. have yourself a little snack! you deserve it.

17/01/21/15:18:25

wasn't devastated

17/01/21/02:18:39

things happen sometimes... it’s crazy, really, i feel like the consequences are bigger than me yet on a very small personal scale

16/01/21/19:07:47

letting go

16/01/21/14:56:25

cute guinea cute bunny there's a whole world out therz

16/01/21/11:46:44

something's outside!

15/01/21/23:58:03

how much does it cost to buy 57 acres of land in the middle of nowhere and maybe put 2 or 3 apple trees on it. oh and a cell tower. those look nice.

15/01/21/19:01:28

learnt quite a bit today, also went to the store

15/01/21/15:45:13

konata is kind of my 132_bubble loop if i think about it

15/01/21/12:59:07

realizing i'll never be moe

15/01/21/11:58:48

wonder what i am going to learn 2day

15/01/21/09:07:45

somebody loves me

15/01/21/00:58:09

zoned out

15/01/21/00:54:37

listening to some music

15/01/21/00:16:26

thinking about listening to music

14/01/21/22:09:14

put the cat ears on

14/01/21/20:58:03

staring at the wall again

14/01/21/19:47:48

trying to get somewhere

14/01/21/18:33:08

failed my test... listened 2 mc boing to console myself...

14/01/21/11:15:34

dance the night away